What I Learned in School Tonight

Dinner:
1 cup Homemade marinara sauce (oh my God - it was so good: 6 points
Barilla Pasta Plus - thin spaghetti - 4 points per cup, but I had two bowls: 8 points
2 Mama Mia Meatballs: 2 points
Some sweet potatoes: 2 points

31 points for the day.... ugh (that's my limit so I shouldn't be eating these pretzels)

"Avoid identifying disability within the student -- instead identify the deficiency in the student's environment"

Hmmm.... I have been having difficulty (to say the least) with my boys (4 year olds) - one especially. I actually have been taking him to see a therapist. Pretty much she says he is seeking attention. Yea, yea. My other son - doesn't seem to apply himself. When I'm working with him he won't focus on our activities, he doesn't hold his pen correctly, etc. I took him to be evaluated by the school district (I thought he may have some kind of developmental delay...) - they said it's behavioral.... a.k.a: he needs more structure and attention. A.K.A... mom is not paying enough attention. You know - it's just like losing weight -- there is no easy answer -- I know what is deficient... me...

I'm always busy -- distracted. Just like losing weight, I know what I have to do, but I don't do it. Today, instead of playing with the kids I made roasted sweet potatoes. At one point while I was peeling I thought to myself "why am I making these right now...?"

I have lots of things to figure out. Why do I over eat? It can't be as simple as it's what I know. Boredom. Stress. Depression. I know right now I'm mad at my husband - he's inattentive to what needs to get done around here - not bathtime and bedtime, but bills, the car he just cracked up, etc. So, all I want to do right now is EAT.

About my kids - tomorrow I will make a conscious effort to purposefully play with them. Not mom directed - let's play this or make that... but sit in there and forget everything going on in our house - dinner, laundry, cleaning, etc. and just be in the playroom with them. My son's therapist wants me to spend 15 minutes a day playing with him - not so much playing as sitting there with him on the floor watching him play and commenting on his activities -- ask no questions, give no help or directions --- just be there and let him know it. I have been struggling with getting him alone. It's not just 15 minutes with him - the other kids see me paying attention to him and they want to join in OR want me to play with them. Which is fine...but instead of paying attention to the one, I'm yelling at the others to BACK OFF, WAIT YOUR TURN - I'm sure that's not what our "special play time with mom" is supposed to be.

I make no excuses - I'm a failure at the being a good mom thing. Yea - they are fed, happy, behave in Church, but their mother is absent and inattentive. So - I will try to work on that. But with four four-year olds and a six-year old it's hard.

So, I broke down and weighed myself this afternoon -- 242.2lbs. Yup - that's what I said. 2.2lbs more than I was yesterday. Maybe I need to poop!